On Saturday, August 6, 2011, Rick Perry held a prayer rally in Houston, Texas, for a 'Nation in Crisis.' Perry called on Jesus to bless and guide the military's political leaders and "those who cannot see the light in the midst of the darkness."
Doing his best fraudulent televangelist impersonation, Perry caught the attention of Jesus Christ, who last year vowed never to have anything to do with Republican politicians again, as they claim to represent Jesus' best interests while doing work that is diametrically opposite of Jesus' teachings of love, compassion, forgiveness, tolerance and understanding.
After the rally, Jesus accidentally raptured Rick Perry to Heaven. The mistake was discovered when Perry attempted to enter Heaven, but because he is on the "Forever Banned, Send Straight To Hell" list, Saint Peter informed Jesus, whereupon Jesus used the heavenly transporter device and sent Perry back to his bedroom in Texas.
However, the transporter device malfunctioned and swapped Perry's head with his butt.
Initially, this was a source of great concern for Perry aides, but the panic died down when Perry met with his supporters the next day and no one noticed anything unusual about the governor's appearance. Some even remarked the governor looked more refreshed than normal.
Liberal Democrats were not as easily fooled as the ignorant masses who would follow Perry off a cliff if he told them it was Jesus' will, but none expressed much concern either. Said one, "Frankly, I don't see a difference now that his ass is where his face used to be, because Perry's been talking out of his ass for years."
Perry has been sitting on his face and head for almost a week now, and given that his hair has begun to part down the side, looking eerily similar to an ass crack, it is believed Perry will keep the new look.
Taking Conservatives Behind the Woodshed: The Right Has Never Been So Wrong
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